Chapter One for Comments

tell me everything

Dear Substack Friends,

Here are the first five pages of my first draft of chapter one. I’m posting them for fun and to show what I’m getting up to, but also because I would love help. I’ve already had one thorough and honest writer friend go over it, and it’s clear from those comments that the whole thing needs a complete redo. This means I have an opportunity: whatever I can find out about what works or doesn’t work for you about this draft will let me keep the great stuff and improve the not-working stuff in the next draft. Would you please tell me everything you have time and willingness to tell me? Comment on the paper color, the ink color, the legibility, the font, the characters, the lack of plot, information that’s too much or missing, things that feel brilliant, things that feel awkward…

Feel free to put your thoughts in the actual comments section so that other people can respond/agree/piggyback — or if that feels uncomfortable, I will also accept comments in any other form (phone call, text, email, handwritten letter delivered by owl).

Thank you for reading. There are more pages in this, but they aren’t scanned yet; and they never get to anything like a proper ending, or even a scene ending (just so you don’t get your hopes up). But more soon.